If you love two people at the same time, 


choose the second one, because if you really


loved the first one you wouldn't have fallen

for the second.




~Johnny Depp

Abbot and Costello ... Who's on Unemployment.....


COSTELLO: I want to talk about the unemployment rate in America . 
ABBOTT: Good subject. Terrible times. It's about 9%. 
COSTELLO: That many people are out of work? 
ABBOTT: No, that's 16%. 
COSTELLO: You just said 9%. 
ABBOTT: 9% Unemployed. 
COSTELLO: Right 9% out of work.
ABBOTT: No, that's 16%. 
COSTELLO: Okay, so it's 16% 
unemployed. 
ABBOTT: No, that's 9%
COSTELLO: WAIT A MINUTE. Is it 9% or 16%? 
ABBOTT: 9% are unemployed. 16% are out of work. 
COSTELLO: If you are out of work you are unemployed. 
ABBOTT: No, you can't count the "Out of Work" as the unemployed. You have to look for work to be unemployed. 
COSTELLO: But ... they are out of work! 
ABBOTT: No, you miss my point. 
COSTELLO: What point? 
ABBOTT: Someone who doesn't look for work, can't be counted with those who look for work. It wouldn't be fair. 
COSTELLO: To who? 
ABBOTT: The unemployed. 
COSTELLO: But they are ALL out of work. 
ABBOTT: No, the unemployed are actively looking for work... Those who are out of work stopped looking. They gave up. And, if you give up, you are no longer in the ranks of the unemployed. 
COSTELLO: So if you're off the unemployment roles, that would count as less unemployment? 
ABBOTT: Unemployment would go down. Absolutely! 
COSTELLO: The unemployment just goes down because you don't look for work? 
ABBOTT: Absolutely it goes down. That's how you get to 9%. Otherwise it would be 16%. You don't want to read about 16% unemployment do ya? 
COSTELLO: That would be frightening. 
ABBOTT: Absolutely. 
COSTELLO: Wait, I got a question for you. That means they're two ways to bring down the unemployment number? 
ABBOTT: Two ways is correct. 
COSTELLO: Unemployment can go down if someone gets a job? 
ABBOTT: Correct. 
COSTELLO: And unemployment can also go down if you stop looking for a job? 
ABBOTT: Bingo.
COSTELLO: So there are two ways to bring unemployment down, and the easier of the two is to just stop looking for work. 
ABBOTT: Now you're thinking like an economist. 
COSTELLO: I don't even know what the hell I just said! 


And now you know why Obama's unemployment figures are improving!

Ladies, this is food for thought for you! You know who you are...

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders.

The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?"

"Sand," answered Juan.

The guard says, "We'll just see about that get off the bike." The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand.

He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags.

The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?"


"Sand," says Juan.

The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand.He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.

This sequence of events if repeated every day for three years. Finally, Juan doesn't show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.

"Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about..... I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?"

Juan sips his beer and says, "Bicycles."